NOT JUST A BHUA JI...

18 DECEMBER 2011

My "BHUA JI " was one of the best person i have ever seen in my life. she loves me "like my grandmother loves me", "like my mother loves me",  "like my father loves me". She passed away in the month of  february in 2009.

 That was the day when i wake up in the morning went to my college as i have an exam and after my exam i came back to my house and i have seen that some thing wrong happened, when i entered the room then my grandmother told me that " SEWA BHUA JI IS NO MORE ". I was just shocked, i dont know what to do.
I was just keep my bag aside and go upstairs, i was lost somewhere, i am just crying so badly. Now automatically my mind goes in the flashback and i am remembering does lovely moments which i spend with my bhua ji.

She was in the hospital in her last days, in those days many wrong ideas came to my mind, and at that time i always pray to god  "That please make my bhuaji ok as early as possible", because i know that i was not able to face that day when some thing wrong happens. But at that time my prayers not come true and i think that god wants to win at that time because "heaven" is also waiting for the person like my bhua ji.

She mostly comes to delhi every year and lives here for around 10 - 12 days and i dont know why there is some different kind of happiness in my heart. This was a happiness like a "son meets his mother after few months" and that happiness is somewhat different. Whenever she calls us, she never forgot to talk to me, she always say "KAKE NAAL GAAL KARWAO MERI".

I am sure that there is "SOMETHING" in my bhuaji which forces me to go and hug her, which forces me to go and kiss her, which forces me to go and pull her cheeks.
And that "SOMETHING" is " LOVE ".
Whenever she has to go back to her house i always cries in my heart and try to stop my tears.

I Will never forget my mother told me that when i was an infant then my bhua ji raise me up very happily and when i spread toilet on her then she always says nothing happens. She never feels angry, she laughs on anything, today i am missing her smile.

At the night when she died i was not able to stop my tears, my pillow is wet with my tears and i was not able to pay attention in any of my work, my mind is running with the memories of my bhua ji and i am just thinking that " HOW DO I LET GO OF SOMEONE SO LOVING, SELFLESS AND  HUMBLE." There was no one i knew in my my life who did not love her, absolutely no one.

Everything i am saying probably make no sense beacuse i want to say so much but i dont know how to condense it. if i talk about her qualities then i will say she is loyal, loving and passionate.

Although she's not here any more, but i have some comforting found memories of her which i never forgot till my last breath.
I can't  stop crying, i can't stop thinking about her, i can't stop missing her.

I am missing her smile.
I am missing her love .
I am missing her hugs.
I am missing her talks.
I am missing her saying " I LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU OVER AND OVER"

I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT " HEAVEN"  BUT I KNOW SHE IS IN "HEAVEN " AND IT IS ALSO VERY LUCKY PLACE IF THEY GET TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.

AFTER MY SISTER'S WEDDING....

15th MAY 2011


Few days back my sister went away.  The wedding get over, but it left traces of many things for me to remind me those fun days which i spent with my sister.
Still "SONU MAMA", ASHA BHUAJI'S, KUSUM BHUAJI'S family is with me but  i dont know why i am going through an uneasy feeling. Seeing the whole things spread here & there, looking the arrangments made for the people to go back home, it all reminds me those moments when we sit & chat together.

I was not able to stop my tears, even i dont know what to write, i dont understand what happen to me. I have to change everything in my home, my whole home needs a makeover.
It's not easy, it;s not easy at all.........

Everyday when I wake up in the morning, i am just missing your activities. Its very silence in the house & this silence will kill me. I will never forgot those moments when we fight with each other, and mom always told me
" why are u fighting", she comes to me and tells me" BETE USSE MAT LADAI KIYA KAR USNE EK DIN APNE GHAR CHALE JAANA HAI, PHIR TU HI USSE YAAD KAREGA". Now i am thinking my mother's statement was true, now i am feeling very lonely lonely, i was not able to stop my tears, i dont know why???
I am missing those days when we use to eat "MAGGI" in the late night and our grandmother shoutes on us.
but now i am just missing "meri sister waali maggi".

We are now just four people in our family, with nothing much to say, but very irritated right now with every little thing. Now I am thinking in my mind that there will be no breakfast's, lunch, or dinner's together. Even we will don't have a tea together, and sharing the same when we was not able to drink......

Today i am looking for a peace of mind, but not not able to get it beacause i was not able to forgot those
days when me & my sister, talks with each other, loves with each other, fights with each other and never forgot that statement when u always say " MOM PLEASE WAIT FOR SUMER, WE WILL EAT TOGETHER".

But today I am happy because she is happy in her new house and i will always pray to god that, " hey god please remember to leave this smile on my sister's face forever."  

I WILL NOT ABLE TO PAY BACK WHAT MY PARENTS GAVE ME...

4TH NOVEMBER 2010

Whether you believe it or not that, the first day when i see god on the earth is 16th august 1989. Mostly people call that god as " MOM & DAD". These two persons on the earth always think for me & after that they think for themselves.

When i come in this world I dont know how to talk,  how to walk, even i dont know what should i call to the person who gave me birth. They are the only persons who teach me how to put my first step on the floor. Iam very very thankful to them because they allow me to call them as " MOM & DAD ". These two persons are the   " GOD "  in the form of gift given by the god.

I have listen somewhere that " LOVE IS BLIND " today i understand the meaning of it, this is absolutely right statement because ur mother start loving you, before seeing ur face.

Whenever i want something from anywhere, i have to give many types of gaurantees & i have to pay something against that thing. But i dont understand that why this not happens when i want something from my dad, if i want something from my dad he just give that thing without asking for any gaurantees and all. This clearly explains that parents are somewhat different then other people.

One day i am searching for the meaning of the word " PARENTS ". this word has infinite meanings :

1. Parents are always there to lend you a shoulder to dry you tears.

2.They are always there to provide you comfort without thinking for there own comfort.

3.They are always there to forgive u, despite all the wrong u have done.

4. They will inspire u to follow your evey dream, you won't be alone

To my parents i will always say "THANK YOU" my haert is always be with u always.
Many times this happens that my father scolds me for breaking the rules, but this dosent mean that he don't love me, he loves me more than his own soul, what i think is that children are the another souls of the parents.
Our mom & dad provides us that loan which we will not able to pay in our whole lyf & even they never ask u to pay that loan. But they only want our love against that loan.

There are many person in this world who always think that love can be done only with lovers, I just want to ask few questions from those persons that,
" what is that when your mother comes to you & says please have your lunch?"
"what is that when ur father says you that please call us if u are late?"
"what is that when your father provides you everything on one demand?"
"what is that when your mom not sleep when u are ill"
"what is that when brother says to his sister" teri shadi ke baad main kis se ladunga?"


THIS IS ALL LOVE DEAR......

"WHEN WE ARE KID OUR PARENTS HA DONE LOT FOR US EVEN NOW ALSO THEY CARE FOR US......NOW ITS OUR TURN"

"THERE IS A HEAVEN IN OUR PARENTS FEET, WE JUST HAVE TO FIND IT"

above i have shared my own experience...........
please comment on it, if u want to add on it.......

MY SISTER'S MARRIGE......

8TH MAY 2011,

I am very very unhappy & sad.  I am missing & crying for my sister to be back.  I so wish i could have those  days back. There are many family members, our relatives & many other people who all are invited by us to attend the marrige.

I thought i was not missing my sister but i am missing all those people who all we are invited. But i was wrong.
we have booked a "HALL" for the programs which are to be done before the marrige. We temporarily lives in that for 3 - 4 days. i still feel its my sister whom i gonna miss. she had made a place in my heart which is not to be replaced by any other person or thing. she is the only person with whom i shared my every thing. It was very bad tym of my lyf which i am spenting without my sister.


On 5th of may all of my, "4 BHUAJI'S" families, my cousion sisters family, my "MAMA'S" family & my "masi's family & my other relatives are together for the ladies sangeet. My sister is also with all of them with  "MEHNDI" in hands & feets. There is  a great smile on her face that i miss today.


There was a great party at that tym, some people are singing wedding songs, some people are dancing on the floor, even i was also dancing, at that tym I was just forgot that on 6th may my sister has to go in her law's family.


Now that day comes for which all are waiting that is : 6th may 2011.  Today all are very happy even i was also haapy but don't know why my heart is in the fifth gear & beating very fast. I am just praying to god that  "please  make that place as the world's best place, where my sister is going" because i love my sister as much as my mother loves her. 


Now, my loneliness is increasing with every hour spent, now slowly slowly that time comes near to me when my sister has to go. Its now 6.00 in the evening every one is getting ready for attending the marrige. even i was also very curious to see my sister as bride that is i was very excited to see my sister in the wedding dress. Till now i had seen many other girls in the wedding dress but i was not excited  to see that but dont know why this happens to me at the tym of my sister's  marrige.


Every thing is running smoothly, we have booked an banquet named "REGAL PALACE" for the marrige.
We all reached there & waiting for the "BARAAT" to come. its a very good enviornment at that place- a great decoration, a very beautiful stage, dj's in the center, many snacs & dinner items. Every one is busy in his/her own work, some one is busy in eating , some one is busy in dancing, some one is waiting for baraat to come, some one's are busy in chatting with others, overall its a very good atmosphere which is naturally created.
Now baraat had arrived & we started a custom called "MILINI" after the milini, there was a tym to call bride on the stage, that is now that tym comes when my sister has to be the attraction for others because everyone in the marrige is curious to see the "BRIDE". Now my sister enters the hall & becomes  the attraction for all of the camera persons.


 Now everyone is looking at my sister & at that tym i am crying very badly in my heart because i was not able to cry in front of others. But after some time i was not able to control my emotions & went to the wash room just to cry. I am just saying in my heart that " hey sister please don't go". 
Now i am back in the banquet, now there is tym for "JAI MALA". Everyone is clapping at the tym of jai mala & on the DJ the song playeD is "TERI RAB NE BANA DI JODI". Even i was also enjoying that movemet but my mind is somewhere else.


Now its the dancing tym, both my "sister" & my "jiju" & other relatives are on dance floor. After the dancing there is tym comes when both groom & bride & other family members has to take dinner. now there is very peace in the hall, because DJ person has also packed his things. now there is no DJ, no talkings & only silence. Now after the dinner there is tym for custom called " PHERE" .By the time phere's are also completed.


Now after the phere's there is the custom of "TILAK", In this girl has has to tilak all his brother's. This moment in the hall was the very - very emotional moment, I was the first one to be "TILAKED" By my sister. My sister with her wet eyes put some kesar tilak on my fore head, that was the uncontrollable moment for me, i just hugged my sister very tightly & all my tears which are in heart till now was burst out, i had never cried that much before that in my whole lyf, at that tym i just dont want my sister to go anywhere, but this is not possible at all. all are family members are crying, many relatives are also crying. At that time i am thanking to god that " thank god i have only one sister other wise i have to see all this again which is not possible for me.


Now every one is standing up just to perform the last custom of marrige that is "BIDDAI". this word bidaai always touches my heart & that heart pushes some tears in my eyes. everyone is walking towards the exit gate of the hall & there is decorated car standing in front of the gate in which my sister has to sit & go to her new sweet home, now my sister sit's in the car & now all of the brothers have to push the car, as it is also the part of "BIDDAI". Now everyone is moving there hands & saying bye to my sister.


At last my sister's car gone & we are back to the place where we had stayed for the marrige. now everyone gone to there rooms for taking a sleep, but i was roaming in the hall & bursting out all my tears as i was alone.


Today all our relatives are back to there home, now there are only four members in my family but i am feeling loneliness as my sister is not with me, but i am happy that she is ok & happy in her new home & i pray to god  that "HEY GOD PLEASE DON'T MAKE HER SAD IN HER WHOLE LIFE".